No marriage is perfect. In fact, wanting to strangle your spouse after a particularly stressful day or argument is actually pretty normal. Now, that’s not to say that you should engage in murder, but just that there are thousands of couples around the world who go through bad times in their relationships. However, there comes a time when all those little things – like leaving the toilet seat up or drinking the milk straight from the carton – begin to build up into something big, and that’s when you find yourself faced with outcomes that you really want to avoid, such as the dissolution of your marriage.
Thankfully, his secret obsession book explains that there are several methods you can use to stop your marriage from reaching that point or salvage it if it’s already reached that point, whilst also helping both you and your spouse to be happier people with a stronger relationship.
The first thing to consider is your own state of mind. When you’re in a negative mood, you’re going to be focusing much more closely on the things that annoy you in life, including the little quirks of your spouse which you could normally tolerate. It’s impossible to work on your relationship if you’re not also working on yourself because you can’t go into this focusing solely on what your spouse does wrong. You need to think about what he or she does right as well.
It’s important to approach this from a position of bettering yourself. Whether you like it or not, you have your faults, as do we all, and only by confronting them are you able to heal what’s been broken. Instead of trying to fix as what you perceive as wrong in your spouse, why not look inward and see what you can improve in yourself?
Approach situations that may arise between the two of you in a calm and rational manner. If you’re angry, take a step back and do something that relaxes you. The problem will still be there when you return, but you’ll be in a clearer state of mind. This decreases the risk of you saying something in anger that you will later regret, and it also ensures that you’ll be able to talk about the problem and find a constructive solution which doesn’t anger either of you.
Communicate. This is something that’s often overlooked, but it’s one of the most important things in any relationship. Talk to your partner. If you’re angry or upset about something, don’t glare and make snide remarks that do nothing but exacerbate the situation. Instead, take a minute to calm yourself, and then discuss the problem. In fact, communication shouldn’t be something that presents itself only when there’s a problem. When you get home from work, talk about your day. Discuss things which interest you. Share a joke that you heard on the radio that morning.
There are very few things in the world that cannot be fixed, and your marriage is not one of them. It takes work from both you and your spouse, as well as a willingness to accept that you’re not as perfect as you’d like your significant other to be. The important thing to remember when the going gets tough, however, is that even when you think your spouse is doing a dozen things wrong, there’s always at least one thing that he or she is going right. That’s why you got married in the first place, wasn’t it?